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Photography by Bob Stewart
The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on
those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has
dawned. (Isaiah 9:2)
Every story has a beginning, a conflict, a resolution and a
conclusion. God found me in the midst of conflict - and didn't
give up on me even when I had given up on myself. This is my
story.
I was born in Birmingham, Alabama and raised in the Methodist
church. All through my childhood and some of my early teens, I
had a strong faith and an unquestioned trust in God. Music and
faith were connected in my life - I stared singing at the age of 4
in the children's choir and started piano lessons at 7. I wrote my
first song at age 12 but didn't do anything with songwriting until
high school. I was active in my church and school choirs, and
loved making music for God and for my own joy.
I was raised in a Christian and loving home. I was blessed with
great parents who taught me right from wrong and raised me
right, but I guess when you reach the threshold of adulthood you
want to make your own decisions and 'try your wings.'
As I grew older, I began to question my beliefs. It was so easy to
have faith when life was easy and the road was smooth - but
things began to change. I experienced the joy of love, the pain of
loss and betrayal, and the frustration of life's many open ended
questions. I started seeing the people that I looked up to the
most as humans - not the idealized gods I imagined them to
be. I felt a profound sense of disappointment and anger that
even Christians that look perfect in every aspect, fail and fall. I
didn't understand that everyone fails and although I had heard
"no one's perfect" there were those that I thought were.
I was lost in a sea of possibilities for my life. Music took a
different turn for me as well. I fell out of love with the choir and
choral influence and embraced popular styles and rock. I joined
a rock band and we began playing all around Athens and
Atlanta. Even after we released a CD and toured, music lost its
luster and eventually each band member went their separate
way. I continued to play solo for a few years, but gave it up
because it became just another job.
Throughout college and after, I searched for a clear sense of
who I was or what exactly I should be doing with my life. Instead
of asking God, I relied on my own voice and guidance. God
never stopped speaking, but I had stopped listening.
I began to show symptoms of a Godless life . I enjoyed school
and made many friends, but I still felt incomplete inside. I tried
to fill that void with many things- a super packed schedule, my
studies, distractions, alcohol, my own sense of self-importance
- but nothing really helped. I graduated college and embarked
on my life as an adult. I got a job, got an apartment, and got a
boyfriend - I thought that should be enough, but I still felt
unfulfilled. My life felt grey and I wondered if this was what it all
amounted to. I would get up in the morning and go to work,
come home in the afternoon and go to bed at night. Many nights
after work I would go out instead of going home - I didn't want to
feel lonely sitting in my apartment, so I used going out as the
distraction from my emptiness.
I tried to reconnect with my faith by visiting different churches but
I felt too out of touch. I have realized through my own experience,
that even though I knew that I wasn't living the life that I was
meant to live, I felt like I couldn't change it. In my heart, I almost
felt like I had made too many wrong decisions for Him to take
me back.. I tried praying at night but it wasn't from my heart - it
was a motion that I remembered, and an outside sign of my call
to God for help.
I met my future husband in 1998 on a neighborhood softball
league. Nine months later we were engaged and have now
been married 7 years as of March 2006. Married life was great
but I still had that void - like an old wound that aches with the
weather. I found a church in Kennesaw where we had made our
home but only went occasionally. I had renewed my relationship
with God but it was the typical "emergency cord" one. When I got
in trouble or didn't know what to do - I prayed. If everything was
ok then it didn't even occur to me to acknowledge God and truly
thank Him for what was right in my life. Erik and I moved to
Canton in 2000. Seven days after closing on our house I found
out I was pregnant. We had tried to have children for over a year
without success - we were overjoyed and a little anxious at the
days ahead. Our daughter Leigh was born the day before the
World Trade Center attacks. I remember being in the hospital
after 12 hours of labor, tired but happy. My brother-in-law came
in to tell us what had happened. For the rest of the day, Erik and
I watched the news. My feelings of joy and new parent
nervousness, turned to those of guilt and absolute terror. How
could I bring such a little innocent life into this horrible world?
The first weeks that Leigh was with us, I was afraid to leave the
house. I couldn't imagine why God would allow this to happen,
but I didn't ask Him why. I was so caught up in my own feelings
of fear that I didn't even think of praying or talking to Him. But,
many people around me were praying for me, and slowly, the
fear that gripped my heart began to melt. I started settling into
everyday life with a baby and a slow calm came over me. I felt
compelled to go back to a church that Erik and I had visited
when we first moved to Canton. When Leigh was 6 weeks old,
we joined the church. I made a commitment not only to be a
member by my time, talents and tithe, but to renew and focus on
my relationship with Jesus Christ.
My life has been full ever since. God revealed to me His
mission for my life. In 2003, I joined the church choir and again
found my passion and love for music. The songs enriched my
relationship with God and slowly a vision began to take place. I
joined the praise team and was brought to a new and higher
level of spiritual awakening and light. The people that form the
praise team are people after God's own heart. They have
helped me grow spiritually and musically. In 2005, God opened
my mind to songwriting - a gift that I had all of my life, but lost
from using it for only my own glory. He gave me melodies and
lyrics - sometimes so fast that I would have to pull off the road to
write them down. I am currently in the process of recording and
arranging each song at Enclave Christian Learning Center. It is
my most heartfelt wish that the songs God has given me, will
bring comfort, courage and healing to those around me.
I hope that by sharing my journey of faith on this web page that
you will take courage dear reader. I hope that God will use this
testimony as a tool to speak to you and your heart.
Don't give up - because God won't give up on you!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will
have trouble. But take heart! I have
overcome the world.”- John 16:33
those living in the land of the shadow of death, a light has
dawned. (Isaiah 9:2)
Every story has a beginning, a conflict, a resolution and a
conclusion. God found me in the midst of conflict - and didn't
give up on me even when I had given up on myself. This is my
story.
I was born in Birmingham, Alabama and raised in the Methodist
church. All through my childhood and some of my early teens, I
had a strong faith and an unquestioned trust in God. Music and
faith were connected in my life - I stared singing at the age of 4
in the children's choir and started piano lessons at 7. I wrote my
first song at age 12 but didn't do anything with songwriting until
high school. I was active in my church and school choirs, and
loved making music for God and for my own joy.
I was raised in a Christian and loving home. I was blessed with
great parents who taught me right from wrong and raised me
right, but I guess when you reach the threshold of adulthood you
want to make your own decisions and 'try your wings.'
As I grew older, I began to question my beliefs. It was so easy to
have faith when life was easy and the road was smooth - but
things began to change. I experienced the joy of love, the pain of
loss and betrayal, and the frustration of life's many open ended
questions. I started seeing the people that I looked up to the
most as humans - not the idealized gods I imagined them to
be. I felt a profound sense of disappointment and anger that
even Christians that look perfect in every aspect, fail and fall. I
didn't understand that everyone fails and although I had heard
"no one's perfect" there were those that I thought were.
I was lost in a sea of possibilities for my life. Music took a
different turn for me as well. I fell out of love with the choir and
choral influence and embraced popular styles and rock. I joined
a rock band and we began playing all around Athens and
Atlanta. Even after we released a CD and toured, music lost its
luster and eventually each band member went their separate
way. I continued to play solo for a few years, but gave it up
because it became just another job.
Throughout college and after, I searched for a clear sense of
who I was or what exactly I should be doing with my life. Instead
of asking God, I relied on my own voice and guidance. God
never stopped speaking, but I had stopped listening.
I began to show symptoms of a Godless life . I enjoyed school
and made many friends, but I still felt incomplete inside. I tried
to fill that void with many things- a super packed schedule, my
studies, distractions, alcohol, my own sense of self-importance
- but nothing really helped. I graduated college and embarked
on my life as an adult. I got a job, got an apartment, and got a
boyfriend - I thought that should be enough, but I still felt
unfulfilled. My life felt grey and I wondered if this was what it all
amounted to. I would get up in the morning and go to work,
come home in the afternoon and go to bed at night. Many nights
after work I would go out instead of going home - I didn't want to
feel lonely sitting in my apartment, so I used going out as the
distraction from my emptiness.
I tried to reconnect with my faith by visiting different churches but
I felt too out of touch. I have realized through my own experience,
that even though I knew that I wasn't living the life that I was
meant to live, I felt like I couldn't change it. In my heart, I almost
felt like I had made too many wrong decisions for Him to take
me back.. I tried praying at night but it wasn't from my heart - it
was a motion that I remembered, and an outside sign of my call
to God for help.
I met my future husband in 1998 on a neighborhood softball
league. Nine months later we were engaged and have now
been married 7 years as of March 2006. Married life was great
but I still had that void - like an old wound that aches with the
weather. I found a church in Kennesaw where we had made our
home but only went occasionally. I had renewed my relationship
with God but it was the typical "emergency cord" one. When I got
in trouble or didn't know what to do - I prayed. If everything was
ok then it didn't even occur to me to acknowledge God and truly
thank Him for what was right in my life. Erik and I moved to
Canton in 2000. Seven days after closing on our house I found
out I was pregnant. We had tried to have children for over a year
without success - we were overjoyed and a little anxious at the
days ahead. Our daughter Leigh was born the day before the
World Trade Center attacks. I remember being in the hospital
after 12 hours of labor, tired but happy. My brother-in-law came
in to tell us what had happened. For the rest of the day, Erik and
I watched the news. My feelings of joy and new parent
nervousness, turned to those of guilt and absolute terror. How
could I bring such a little innocent life into this horrible world?
The first weeks that Leigh was with us, I was afraid to leave the
house. I couldn't imagine why God would allow this to happen,
but I didn't ask Him why. I was so caught up in my own feelings
of fear that I didn't even think of praying or talking to Him. But,
many people around me were praying for me, and slowly, the
fear that gripped my heart began to melt. I started settling into
everyday life with a baby and a slow calm came over me. I felt
compelled to go back to a church that Erik and I had visited
when we first moved to Canton. When Leigh was 6 weeks old,
we joined the church. I made a commitment not only to be a
member by my time, talents and tithe, but to renew and focus on
my relationship with Jesus Christ.
My life has been full ever since. God revealed to me His
mission for my life. In 2003, I joined the church choir and again
found my passion and love for music. The songs enriched my
relationship with God and slowly a vision began to take place. I
joined the praise team and was brought to a new and higher
level of spiritual awakening and light. The people that form the
praise team are people after God's own heart. They have
helped me grow spiritually and musically. In 2005, God opened
my mind to songwriting - a gift that I had all of my life, but lost
from using it for only my own glory. He gave me melodies and
lyrics - sometimes so fast that I would have to pull off the road to
write them down. I am currently in the process of recording and
arranging each song at Enclave Christian Learning Center. It is
my most heartfelt wish that the songs God has given me, will
bring comfort, courage and healing to those around me.
I hope that by sharing my journey of faith on this web page that
you will take courage dear reader. I hope that God will use this
testimony as a tool to speak to you and your heart.
Don't give up - because God won't give up on you!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will
have trouble. But take heart! I have
overcome the world.”- John 16:33
Holly Gotfredson
| Holly Gotfredson Design and website copyright 2003 - 09. All rights reserved. No portion of this website may be reproduced mechanically, electronically, or by any other means without the express written permission of the artist. |
| Singing at the WINGS Brunch Aug 2009 |
| Singing with Rhonda Wade and Denise Brown for the BBQ At HFUMC |
| Singing with St James and all for ONE at the United Methodist Conference in Athens, Georgia 2008 |
| Now Playing "Meditation" by Holly Gotfredson |